Was my Lebanese grandmother a ‘Trad Wife’?

Remember the Gilmore Girls episode where Dean and Rory argue about The Donna Reed show? Dean later explains that he thinks a wife cooking for her husband is "nice." Why wouldn't it be?

I would have to know way more about Reed’s lifestyle habits to decide whether she falls under the Trad Wife trend category.

Marked by ultratraditional lifestyles and complete devotion to their husbands and children in all aspects of life, the Trad Wives of Instagram and TikTok decided to show women how it’s done. They chose to grow their own produce, raise chickens and make breakfast cereals for their kids from scratch, documenting it for the internet’s viewing pleasure.

The concept of a 'traditional wife,' circulating through this trend, is a woman who theoretically chooses to let go of her career aspirations and focus entirely on submitting to her husband and serving her family. She’s expected to look flawless at all times (because, as the narrative goes, "men are visual creatures") while never complaining or getting tired.

Culturally, that's not necessarily a strange notion to us. I grew up in a household where my Lebanese working mother, along with her own mother, believed that homemade goods are always better and healthier. The tradition of yearly "mouneh" making has always been a part of my life. My grandmother married young, raised eight children, and to this day remains devoted to her household.

Interestingly the Trad Wives on our little screens don’t really resemble the women in my Arab family, or yours, I’d assume. Despite preaching similar core values, the contrast between the two is jarring.

If the name Nara Smith (4.5 million followers on Instagram) doesn’t ring a bell, try picturing a woman with a conventionally perfect body, an intricate hairdo, bold makeup and a feathered nightgown standing at a kitchen counter making her own cheese from scratch to make a grilled cheese sandwich for her husband.

Here she is seen making Kimchi in a large sequin red dress and gold jewelry.

Over the years, the idea of a traditional woman has taken on countless forms, but the core image has remained unchanged: A woman is at her happiest, most natural state when she’s devoted to making everyone else’s life better. Can you imagine any woman who wouldn’t feel safe and comfortable sitting on top of an open fridge in a dress that violently hugs her waist?

This is why this generation’s Trad Wives trying to sell us this ideal already have had half of their work cut out for them. The image we’ve been sold of a "good woman," especially in our Arab culture, has always been glorified. It almost makes you feel like if you quit your job this second and went home, you would find a magically spotless kitchen — which would also magically forever stay that way — and produce would never go bad in the fridge, children would never be loud or insufferable, husbands would always come home in time for dinner, and they would always, always say thank you.

It makes sense that Trad Wife content is mostly made for men, crafted after a careful study of what the "traditional man" is and wants. It’s designed for the heterosexual husbands and boyfriends of the internet to send to their partners and test the waters. Would you cook for me? Clean for me? Is such a life possible?

That’s all it is though — content. We often forget that the women participating in the Trad Wife lifestyle are doing the active labor of creating, filming, editing, posting and analyzing content on social media platforms. In other words, a job that brings in money through brand deals, and ads at the basic level. They also most definitely have help with all the mundane tasks, like washing the dishes after the 7-course meal they prepared.

If you have actually seen Gilmore Girls as many times as I have, you’re now probably thinking of Donna Reed again, and how she was an uncredited producer on her own show. She was also doing the work behind the camera, fooling us all into thinking her ever-present smile and cheerful attitude were a product of the life she was living — not to strip the practice of all satisfaction. After all, it is nice to feel needed.